Melt My Heart

Valentines Day is here again.  I think I have the best 2 Valentines a woman could ask for and I got the best Valentines present a mommy could get last night.  While I was at dinner last night with a dear friend, Mark and Daniel went to get me a Valentines Day present.  Apparently Daniel saw this book and freaked out (we didn't even know he liked Max and Ruby).  So when I got home Daniel brought me the book and said "Happy Valentines Day Mommy", the book is Max's Easter Surprise.  I love the gifts kids pick out. That is not the best part.  The best part of that Valentines Day gift came at bedtime.

We read stories every night and sing songs before bed.  So I grabbed the book and said I would read it to Daniel.  To which he replied, "No Mommy I read to you".  I thought ok, this won't last long.  He then started to read the book, telling me the story he saw through the pictures, "Max and Ruby play with puppy", "Max's belly hungry so he eat", etc. through each page of the book.

For those of you who don't know Daniel is only 2 and extremely animated and full of laughter and joy.  He was so proud of himself and proud that he read that book.  When he was done I told him I would read it to him and he said "No mommy I done now".

I love love love that little boy.  That little chocolate face with the big brown eyes and bright infectious smile.  He melts my heart.  I love each and every one of these mommy moments.  I am so in love with that little boy, God knew what he was doing when he created that child.  He grew in my heart and I knew I loved him before I even saw his face.  God sets the lonely in families and I am so glad we listened to his call.  For when you listen when he is knocking on the door to your heart, that is when you get the "Max and Ruby" moments with a special little boy.

So thankful and blessed that I get to be Daniel's mom!

The blur that was Christmas

Christmas has come and gone again and I am not even sure where it went.  I know it was here due to the disarray my house is in!  Daniel was so fun this Christmas, since he is talking quite a bit more and very opinionated.  After every picture we tried to take he would boldly proclaim "We're done now" and walk away. Trying to get a good Christmas picture was a challenge.  He loves to dance and jump, too bad the camera doesn't love when he dances and jumps.


We tried to explain to Daniel that Christmas was Jesus birthday.  Try explaining that to a 2 year old that finally just got what a Birthday means, cake and presents.  He cried and in the middle of sobbing he would say "no my birthday".  Finally he understood a little but I still don't think he liked it.  The next thing that was so hard to explain was not every present was for him.  One night after supper we told him we were going to go Christmas shopping to buy presents, to which he responded "buy a present for me", again a melt down when we explained no.  When we got to the store we told Daniel he had to pick out toys for other little boys that maybe weren't going to get presents otherwise.  And que another meltdown!  Finally he calmed down and I think he really understood.  He went down the car aisle (for anyone that knows Daniel this was probably killing him to go down this aisle and not get anything for himself he loves cars) and picked out some monster trucks and hot wheels.  After that every time we went to the store he wanted to get presents for "boys that didn't have presents".  Christmas with a 2 year old is fun!

Christmas eve Daniel set out cookies for Santa, like 10 cookies and 5 carrots.  When we set them on the toy box, Daniel climbed up and grabbed a cookie and helped himself to Santa's snack.

In the morning that was the first thing he looked for.  He wasn't so happy that Santa ate his cookies.  For Christmas all Daniel asked for was cookies.  He was so fun.  Here is a video of him opening one of his presents:

Christmas morning before we left the house we sang Happy Birthday to Jesus, I believe this will be one of my favorite Christmas Traditions. Christmas is my favorite time of year.  I pray everyday that next year we at least have a picture of our baby boy, that will be the best Christmas present ever.  Until then we will enjoy everyday as a family of 3 and thank God for the precious gift of his son on that winter's morning.

Seeing Yourself Through God's Eyes

I started this reading plan through Youversion.com - it is the Joyce Meyer Promises for Your Life Daily Devotional.  It should take a year to complete.  At the rate I am going it will take me a year and a half!  Anyway, today I was catching up on some of the missed devotionals I have piled up and thought I would share.

For anyone that has been through, is going through, has followed someones journey through and prayed for an adoption specifically international adoption I hope this devotion speaks to your heart.  The very first line "Whatever you are facing in life, or whatever is coming, God has already given you the faith for it." is so true, yet so hard to grasp when you are in the midst of a struggle, a time of "Why is this happening (or not happening)" or unsure of your path.  You already have the faith to make it through the storm you just need to act!  You have to release your faith in order for it to work, through works, actions and prayer.  Faith is there, we just have to act upon it!

I also love the line "faith in God isn't based on our circumstances or how we feel.".  Through our adoption with Daniel, through the red tape, the struggles and the year long wait to bring him home.  I never lost my faith in God, that in his timing He would bring our baby home. We prayed constantly, asked people to pray and in the midst of it all we found ways to help and raise donations for other orphans.

Now we are starting a new journey, we have been officially waiting for 1 month and this is a great reminder to hold on to our faith.

Below is the devotion.  My prayer is that it speaks to everyone reading as loud as it spoke to me.

Faith to See Yourself Through God's Eyes
Whatever you're facing in life, or whatever is coming in your future, God has already given you the faith for it. It may not look like it, and you may not feel like you have what it takes to overcome, but faith in God isn't based on our circumstances or how we feel. 

The enemy would like for you to believe that you don't have a chance in life, that you're too weak, too poor, too whatever. But God has a different view of you. God sees you through the eyes of love. He sees not what you can be, but what He has invested in you, not what you or others may see. 

Seeing yourself the way God sees you leads to a life of overwhelming victory.
But it takes faith. You can't just hear that God loves you and sees you as His child, you have to believe it. It takes faith to move forward and overcome the challenges of life. And faith does you no good if you don't know how to release it. You have to release your faith in order for it to work.

We release faith through our words, actions and, of course, through prayer. It's up to us to act.

First John 4:4 is a scripture we quote a lot, and almost anytime I say this verse in a church or meeting, everybody claps and cheers. But how many people really believe that "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world?" 

The truth is, the One in you is greater and He loves you. So stretch your faith today and see yourself the way God sees you. It doesn't matter what the enemy wants you to see or how things might look. Our faith overcomes through the One who lives in us!

You dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. -1 John 4:4

May we never forget the One in us is greater than anything in this world and He loves us so!  Today I find comfort in reading and knowing I am loved by Him.

DTE 11-11-11

We are finally DTE!!! As of 11-11-11 we are officially waiting for a referral.  You are probably wondering what that means if you are not in the adoption world right now.  DTE means Dossier to Ethiopia, a dossier is our packet of paperwork that we have spent months gathering to get to this point.  This does not mean we have a child already.  We are just "in line" so to speak for a referral. We are requesting a boy age 0-2 and probably won't receive a referral call for 10-16 months, based on the trends today.

This time is exciting for us and kind of nerve racking based on our last experience, but praise God we are one step closer to our baby boy.  Waiting seems to be the hardest part of this journey for me, especially since everything I am waiting on is out of my control. That is probably part of God's plan to help me learn patience and I can not control everything, His plan is way better than mine anyway!

I want to share with you a few verses that I held on to while we were waiting to bring Daniel home, and will hold on to while we wait to bring this baby home (we need to come up with a name):

Psalm 9:10 - He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.

Isaiah 26: 3-4 - You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever for the Lord, the Lord is the rock eternal. 

Hebrews 12:1 - Let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.

James 1:3-4 - For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Ephesians 1:11 - In him we were also chosen having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.

Now as I type this I wonder if our child is already born (with our age range he could be) or is his mom already carrying him in her belly.  Will he have a cute button nose and big brown eyes like Daniel? What will his giggle sound like? Will he be outgoing or will he be shy? Only God knows because he has the perfect child already in mind for our family. Just like he did with Daniel.  I really can't wait to see what the next few months bring and to watch God's plan for our family play out.  I haven't even met this baby boy or seen a picture and I am already love him so much.

I am going to close this post with the following poem I found online (author unknown):

The Gift of Life

I didn't give you the gift of life, 

But in my heart I know.

The love I feel is deep and real, 

As if it had been so.

For us to have each other

Is like a dream come true!

No, I didn't give you 

The gift of life.

Life gave me the gift of you.

That is what Daniel is to us, a Gift. We are so blessed and we are the lucky ones to have that special boy in our family.  And so will our next baby boy.  Oh I can't wait to hold him and kiss him, it's going to be a long year!

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween (2 days later)!  Daniel had fun this Halloween after we convinced him to put his costume on and that it was ok to go Trick or Treating.  First the costume, I bought him this cute Scarecrow costume.  His response the first time we tried to put it on "No mommy, it scare me".  Since the name of the costume was Scare...crow, he was convinced he would be scared.  Only my child.  We finally got it on him and he made the cutest scarecrow ever (I am only a little biased).

Next the night before Halloween we were trying to explain to him the concept of trick or treating (we only go to like 5 houses of people we know, babysitter, parents, etc.).  He would not give in, he kept saying "No".  When I asked him why, his response "No mommy it will be to dark".  Really, what child will pass up candy because of the dark.  So we came home and went right at 5, to make sure it was not dark while we were out there (the whole 45 minutes we were out, which was mostly spent visiting).  

 

The first house that gave him a sucker, he wasn't even off of the porch before he had it open and in his mouth.  He would not let go of his bucket for anything.  No one was going to take his candy away.  Overall a great Halloween with family, friends and candy!

703 Area Code = Racing Heart

I had forgotten the feeling you get when you are in the adoption process and your phone rings and you see (703) as the first 3 numbers on the caller id.  Your heart starts racing and your stomach drops.  Crazy since we aren't even DTE yet, that feeling never goes away!  Friday afternoon I got a call from our adoption agency, we submitted all our paperwork (dossier) last week, and our family coordinator Jennifer told me that Mark didn't sign our application letter.  Now for those of you who know me, know that I went through that packet at least 3 times before mailing to make sure every t was crossed and every i was dotted.  Somehow I missed the fact that I didn't give him that letter to sign.

Well no big deal, I just had to print another one, have both of us sign the letter and get it notarized and at UPS to mail next day by 6:00.  This was about 2:30 that I got the phone call.  So I did just that, my friend was available to notarize and Mark and I signed, we were at UPS by 5:20.  All was good.  I paid the $26.75 to mail next day with 10:30 delivery for Monday morning.  If all this happened then we would be able to be DTE by Friday Nov 4th.  (only 4 days off of my goal of the end of October by the way).  Great.

Well today Monday about 2:00, I am at home sick, laying on the couch and my phone rings.  I look down and there is that (703) on the caller id again.  Heart racing, stomach dropped, crazy I know.  It was our family coordinator again, asking if we were able to get the letter in the mail.  I immediately said, it was suppose to be delivered by 10:30.  So she checked and it had not been delivered.  I called UPS and long story short after making phone calls and waiting for them to call me back, they really don't know where our letter is.  Due to storms on the east coast things have been delivered late.  I know I should be sympathetic but it was extremely important that that paper get to AWAA by noon today.  They are still tracking our letter and it should be out for delivery by tomorrow.  To late.  Our paperwork will be delayed another week and we will not be DTE (dossier to Ethiopia, officially waiting for a referral) until next Friday November 11th.  They are refunding our shipping costs, which I would have paid 2x's that much to ensure it would have been there today by noon as promised.

I know things happen for a reason, but a little piece of paper getting delayed in delivery, come on.  So the adoption roller coaster has begun.  We were just saying that we have had a pretty easy ride so far in the paper gathering.  Praying this is the biggest delay we see in this adoption process, but I know it won't be from experience.  It is only the beginning, I just have to remind myself that God's timing and plan are way better than my timing or plan anyway!

So we are praying for a miracle, the letter is delivered before the end of today and by the grace of God we are able to be submitted by Friday.  It's a long shot, but He can make it happen. And I am almost 100% sure that will not be the last time my phone will ring with that (703) area code and my heart will start racing and my stomach drop as I answer and hear on the other side, "Hi this is Jennifer from America World".

Fall Family Fun

Fall is my favorite time of year.  It is not very hot, but not yet snowing.  The colors are beautiful in the trees, although this year they leave just seem to be dying instead of changing to bright pretty colors. Apple cider, donuts, homemade baked goods all add to some of the favorite things in fall.  The smell of bonfires, football and leaves.  I just love everything about fall. We got engaged in the fall and we got married in the fall. In fact, yesterday marked 8 years since we got married.  Here is one of our favorite pictures from this day.

I would definitely do it all over again. That day was the day God put us on an amazing journey together.  Little did we know 8 years later we would have already been 1/2 way around the world once to adopt the best baby boy, and on our way again.

The best anniversary present yesterday was the fact that we put our Dossier packet in the mail to AWAA yesterday.  For those of you who are wondering, a dossier is the packet of paperwork, we have went crazy for the last 4 months gathering.  We have all our documents in the mail and everything is now out of our hands.  Let the waiting begin.  This is to me the hardest part of the adoption process, waiting with no control over time frame or when things are processed. Especially for someone who likes to have control over everything.  But we did it once, and in God's perfect timing we will receive a picture of a baby boy (who Daniel has now named "Baby monkey brother") who God hand picked to be part of our family. Sometimes it is just hard to remember that God's timing is better than our timing, even though we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel all the time.

So what is the next step: AWAA reviews and translates our documents and within 1-2 weeks we will be DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia), then the real wait begins.  The wait time currently for a referral for a boy is 10-16 months.  Praying that it is a shorter wait, but experience tells me that it will not be.

Back to our family fall fun!  This month we went back to OU (Ohio University) where Mark graduated for Homecoming.  This was the first time Daniel has been there, he loved it.  At OU for Homecoming the Alumni band marches in the parade and does the half time and post game show.   Daniel loved watching daddy play drums.

We also rented a cabin for the weekend and spent some much needed family time.  Daniel was so excited to go to the cabin and cook hot dogs.  I think he told everyone he was doing that for a week. It was so fun, the cabin was in Hocking Hills in a "secluded" area.  When we pulled up I was not so sure. There was a house close to the cabin but once we got back there was a tree line so we were secluded.  Daniels favorite part I think was the fact that he could eat dinner and watch Mickey Mouse club house at the same time since the table was in the living room.  It was so nice to just relax like a family of three and enjoy each others company.  No cell phones, computers or distractions.

The picture to the left of Daniel on the drive way was at our cabin.  Sunday we spent the morning at Old Man's Cave.  Daniel liked the big rocks and water.  We had bought him a football at OU and he insisted on carrying it while we hiked through the cave.  Which made me quite nervous since one slip and he drops it, it was gone.  Luckily he did not drop it and the football made it home.

It was  a wonderful weekend of family, friends and fall fun.  Weekends like this are what the fall is all about, bonfires, parades, football and family.

Retreat Anyone?

A couple of weeks ago another adoptive mom and friend emailed me about this retreat, Created for Care.  It is  a ministry that puts on this retreat, it was created by adoptive moms for adoptive moms.  I had never heard of it, or if I did I did not pay attention before.  She told me it would be fun if I could go go, she had just registered and it was the first day of registration.  Apparently for 2011 retreat registration filled up in 48 hours.  So I thought about it, this would be a huge stretch of my comfort zone, going to a retreat with only myself and meeting up with some friends, whom I have only really talked to through emails and texting.  Anyone who knows me knows this is the kind of thing that makes it hard for me to breathe.  But I thought what the heck, I need to do more to get out of my comfort zone and how fun would it be to spend a weekend with other mom's, mom's to be, etc. who all have one thing in common - ADOPTION.  Since we are in the beginning of our 2nd adoption This might be a great time to connect with other mom's before our road gets rocky and we really need the support of others on the same journey.  I know we will need that support, we have been there done that!  Well in the 10 minutes it took for me to decide yes I am going to go, registration was full!  400 women in something crazy like 9 hours.  Tell me Adoptive mom's don't need somewhere to bond, connect and relax!  I was really bummed since I was really looking forward to spending time with my friend Holly.  Holly took pictures of Daniel before we were able to bring him home, and we started the process together for the 2nd time at the same time.  So I did what everyone else did and added my name to the wait list and was waiting.

Well on Sunday I got an email from Created for Care that they were opening up a 2nd Retreat in March.  Well since I was on the waiting list for January I have already registered but for all the rest of you reading this who have not registered or didn't get in in time for January - registration opens tonight for the March retreat at midnight!  From what I read and see you probably want to wait up and get on that list as soon as possible.

I have never been to this retreat but from what I have read on their facebook page and website and just listening to those that have been there it is amazing and definitely worth the time.  I can't wait to go and connect and make some new friends (and yes just saying that makes my heart skip beats with anxiety).   The following was taken from their website www.createdforcare.org describing the retreat:

Created for Care is a non-profit ministry designed to encourage, equip and bring rest to adoptive families through yearly retreats. Because leaving little ones can be difficult, we began our ministry with retreats for moms--but we record all of the sessions so both parents can benefit from the time of encouragement and insight shared from counselors and other adoptive moms. Our retreats always fill up quickly, and we truly believe God is in the midst of doing something amazing through them. He loves orphans too much to leave them orphans. And He loves your family too much to not lead you, love you and carry you on the rest of your journey as you raise your sons and daughters for His glory. Come join us at the next retreat...

So here is the information for how you can also come along to this retreat, visit:

www.createdforcare.org

You can see the schedule of events, the lodge (it is beautiful) and the dates and times.  I hope you see you there!

Nervousness = Nachos!

What happens when you are nervous, anxious, worried and most of all hungry? Usually no dinner equals eat everything in sight by 10:00 here. Only thing is when I am stressed, nervous and anxious I am usually hungry for nothing but junk food. Tomorrow Daniel is going to go in for surgery tomorrow, this is the surgery that was suppose to happen in July. And of course this morning he woke up with a stuffy nose and slight cough. Fortunately we still had some medicine from the last time (I think this is all allergies as mine are bad this week) so we gave him the breathing treatments all day. We are praying that they will do the surgery and we will be done with this mess. It is just a minor procedure but the anaesthetic still has me worried. I know faith in God means trusting him completely and trusting that he will watch over us and everything will be OK. I know it will I am just by nature a worrier. I will keep you updated tomorrow either with "we are relaxing in bed watching movies all day" or "ugh they didn't do it again". I know it will be the first one.

Anyway Back to the food. So tonight I was starving for the BBQ chicken nachos from Smokey Bones. No time to run up and get some, plus I don't want to pay for them. So I created my own version. Below is the recipe:

BBQ Chicken Nachos at home
Tostito Chips any flavor, my favorite is Pepper Jack
Lloyd's BBQ Shredded Chicken (or any type of already made)
Tomato
Onion
Shredded Cheddar Cheese
Sour Cream

Heat the shredded chicken. Spread the nachos out on the plate and sprinkle with the cheese. Put in microwave for 20 seconds. Top the chips and cheese with the shredded chicken. Add the chopped tomatoes and onions. Sprinkle sour cream over top of all of it. I don't measure anything just pile it. And it is wonderful.

A little word of wisdom that will get me through tonight and tomorrow morning:

Trust in the Lord with all your Heart - Proverbs 3:5

Jesus Loves Me

Jesus loves me this I know. For the bible tells me so..... Take it away Daniel! Faith like a child! I love listening to him sing. He sings Jesus Loves Me with all his heart over and over again. I can't wait for the day we will listen to both boys sing Jesus loves me together. Hopefully someday soon. After we sing Jesus Loves Me every night, we also pray for Daniels brother and for him to come home soon. Where are we in the adoption process? I get this question a lot. Our homestudy is complete and we have all our documents for our Dossier (the packet of information that has to be sent to Ethiopia) except one last paper, our approval from USCIS. We have sent the forms and homestudy to USCIS and are now awaiting our fingerprint appointment (yes we have to get fingerprinted again). Hopefully it does not take long to get this appointment but I am not holding my breath. We will keep you all updated on our progress and I am sure everyone will here us shouting praises from the rooftops when our paperwork is all submitted!

Olive Tree Promise

We have started another fundraising site I found through some friends on Facebook. It is called Olive Tree Promise. This site has everything from pictures, baby items, decorations, clothes, etc. Something for everyone. Plus every purchase benefits our adoption. We want to thank everyone who has supported us this far, we have some amazing friends and family. We still have a long way to go before we get to bring our baby home (I can't wait to see that first picture). It seems so surreal to me that 1 year to the day that we brought Daniel home, God was like ok you have been a family of 3 long enough it's time to start your journey back to Ethiopia. I love how God never ceases to amaze me. Check out our website either by clicking here or clicking on the Olive Tree Promise image on the right under our T-shirts. We still have lots of T-shirts for sale too and our Just Love Coffee Fundraiser. Many have ordered the coffee and can't say enough about it, it is wonderful and would make great Christmas gifts!

Lessons from my 2 year old

It always amazes me when my 2 year old seems to get more than I do in life. Sound confusing? Here is what I am talking about. There are times when we seem to either just go about our day to day and do the same things over and over because that is what we always do. Then there are the times when it is late, mommy and daddy are tired and we skip our normal routine, including the things we should not consider as "routine". We had a very long day today, hair appointment, zoo, car show, and birthday picnic. So when it came time to get ready for bed, including a long over due bath, the thing on my mind was "it is late, we need to get a quick bath and in bed or tomorrow will be a cranky long day". Should I think like that even if it is way past bedtime? We have been hearing in the sermons on Sundays to leverage our time with our kids. I also learned that lesson from my 2 year old child tonight.

First as I was getting him undressed and ready for the bath he said "pee on potty", I sadly kind of shrugged it off as this has been a dead end street with no interest on his part. I was like ok go ahead the bath is still running. Wouldn't you know tonight was the night he decided to go potty. Do you know how many times this week he has said the same thing to either Mark or myself and we both kind of blew it off? Talk about feeling like a bad parent. Lesson there, take the time even if he does just sit and play or only sit for a second and yells all done without doing anything. Take the time to learn about him and talk about his day. He just might surprise you.

The second lesson came after bed time, like I said above it was late and a long day. We sang Jesus Loves me, like always. Rocked and sang "MMM Baby" for not even a minute and then hugs and kisses and lights out. I went into my bedroom and i hear him screaming something. When I listened closer he was yelling "pray, pray". In my rush to get him to bed and for that little bit of me time before bed I did not take the time to pray with him before bed. Shame on me. My child had to remind me again, one of the best times we should be leveraging is our bed time. My lesson to you who are reading this: take the time to pray, you never know when your child is listening and watching. At 2 my son reminded me to stop and take the time to pray. Thank you God for giving me a child that loves Jesus and gives me the hard lessons when I need them. That little bit of me time is nothing and the time it takes to pray with my son is so much more precious and important. That is time I will never get back if I pass it up. This mommy is going to make sure to leverage that time, no matter what time it of night and how long past bed time we have gone.

Africa Famine Relief

Help us support organizations who are providing famine relief in the horn of Africa. This is near and dear to our heart since Daniel is from Ethiopia and we are finishing the paperwork to adopt another baby boy from Ethiopia. Another Ethiopian adoptive parent decided to create a fundraiser to bring relief for the drought that is currently affecting the people in the horn of Africa and areas surrounding. Will you help us make a difference and save a life or two. Simply take a minute and visit this site and please share with others.

http://adoptivefamiliesforfaminerelief.weebly.com/index.html

YOU can make a difference TODAY!

There's a Reason for Everything

Well I guess there is a reason for everything, even the nervousness and anxiety of your son having surgery. And I guess I should learn to listen to that gut instinct inside of me, when I felt uneasy about surgery today.

We went to the hospital, checked in put the gown on and got all ready (here is a too cute picture of Daniel in his gown)


They started all the pre-opp testing, weight, height, blood pressure and listening to his lungs. This is when it all went south. The nurse hear wheezing in Daniels lungs so there was no surgery today.


We now have to go to his Dr and see what she says. We will then reschedule with the surgeon. The anaesthesiologist wouldn't give him the anesthetic due to the wheezing, since his airway was already compromised they were worried about bronchial arrest during surgery. I know this is a good thing we rescheduled for his safety and health but still very frustrating. Poor thing. God knew what he was doing and he put that nurse in our room to question what she was hearing. God is good and His plan is great, even when I don't agree with the timing or methods. Even through the frustration I am thanking God for great nurses and anaesthesiologists today.

The Tough Mommy Moments

What do you do when the parenting moments go from easy go with the flow to tough? Like when your child has to have a minor procedure that requires them to be put to sleep and you hear words like outpatient surgery, recovery, bring comfort items, etc. We are faced with these moments now. It sounds all kind of silly, you know a minor everyday procedure, nothing life threatening, nothing scary but yet it is so scary to this mommy heart. It is not even the procedure that scares me, it is the thought of the anesthetic and going to sleep that scares me. Not knowing any family background, medical history, allergy information makes this hard for me. I am not sure why, maybe because I have a hard time coming out of anesthetic. I come out of it enough for them to send me home and nothing more. So I am not a fan. But the thought of them taking Daniel in a room without us for 45 minutes and then seeing him in recovery breaks my heart. Does this happen to all parents? I am telling myself yes.

Tonight when we were putting Daniel to bed, we were walking him through our day tomorrow. We will get up, get dressed and go see the doctor and then we are going to come home and lay in mommy's bed watching movies. He loves to do that because we don't get to do that often. I even bought him a new movie to watch tomorrow and my mom taped a bunch of Handy Manny's. But while we were putting him to bed we prayed (he loves to repeat what we say when we pray at night, that makes my heart full listening to him) and he looked at us and said "Yea Jesus", which means sing Jesus Loves me (how perfect). So we sang Jesus Loves Me and he wanted to sing it again. He loves to sing that song but it actually comforted me tonight too. I know Jesus loves us and he will be with Daniel in surgery tomorrow. We have a lot of people praying for us. While we were rocking singing MMMM Baby (Daniels made up nite nite song) I couldn't help myself and broke down crying. Thank goodness it was dark or that would have been another long conversation. It is going to be a long day tomorrow and I am pretty sure it is going to be hard for this mommy to keep it together.

The hardest part of this is Daniel can have nothing in the morning to eat or drink. He can have clear liquids before 6:00 am. We don't have to leave the house until 7 and I am pretty sure I am not going to wake him up before 6 just for some water. Surgery is at 9:30. No food and no apple juice in the morning is going to make for a crabby baby boy. Keep us in your prayers for that because the only time Daniel is not happy is when he is hungry.

I know we will get through, we always do because God is with us. He has a plan and will hold us in his arms. I am pretty sure I am also just overreacting and being a paranoid parent! But that is my baby boy, I waited a very long time to hold and love with all my heart. He makes our world whole. God had big plans for him so I know he will get through this and we will laugh at this post one day. Until then God protect us, keep us sane and be with us tomorrow as we face this new journey in our lives right now.