The wait is so different this time. It is always in the back of my mind but I am not completely obsessed with checking the yahoo groups for referrals and court dates. I am not constantly checking my phone thinking today might be the day I see that 703 area code pop up on my phone. Maybe it is because (based on wait times) I know we are only 1/2 way through the wait.
The wait is the hardest part of adoption. Especially for someone with control issues like me! I do not like to be the one who has no control over when this piece of paper moves or when the I might see a picture. When I think about this I have to laugh because sometimes I think God gave me the passion for adoption and heart for orphans because 90% of it is all out of my control. There is nothing that I can do to speed up the referral process, there is nothing I can do to make an organization sign a letter, etc. With adoption you sit and you wait. I have learned a lot about waiting and patience through both processes. The biggest lessons I have learned are:
1. I am never alone - even in the roughest times when I feel like He is not listening or not there, He is. Probably more than ever because I need Him.
2. I can handle more than I think I can - God won't give you something that you can't handle. Your head might be saying "Oh no you can't do this or you won't make it through". Trust me you can. With the first adoption I said that once we got Daniels referral and picture, if I got stuck in court closures I would not be able to handle it. Well guess what not only did we get stuck in court closures, we didn't get to hold Daniel until 11 months after we first saw his picture. I made it through, not by my own strength but by leaning on His! I learned a lot about myself during that time. I have complete and total faith and trust in God, I have a great support system of family and how to make the most out of a rough situation.
3. God's timing is way better than mine! - the biggest lesson I have learned through adoption is God's timing is way better than mine. His plan is always better even if I don't agree with the timeline. If you just sit back and wait He will bless you more than you can even imagine. We waited what seemed a lifetime to have Daniel and start our family. But that lifetime (that wasn't so long) was so worth it and I can't imagine life without him.
So we have 9 months at least left of waiting to see that precious face of a baby boy with big brown eyes and a brilliant smile. What will we learn through this time? I can't wait to find out and see what God has in store for our little family. I already have a hint of big things to come...