Thursday, September 9, 2010

Questions without answers

Yesterday we received our 3 month post placement report to review. Yes we have been home almost 4 months now! Another adoptive parent also posted a great post about how adoption is not all happiness and kisses. Adoption is here because someone had to give up a child. With adoption comes heartache, trauma, confusion and tears. A mother has to watch someone take her kid away, hand them to a police officer and walk away or lay the baby on the street and hide hoping someone will pick the baby up. This is the side of adoption that I have not spent much time posting about. Our posts so far have been about our journey, our struggles and our needs. When I read the other families post I started thinking. What about her journey? What about Daniel's moms journey? Did she hide as he was carried into the orphanage just to see him one more time? Did she get to see that precious smile that melts your heart? Did she pray for him to find a loving family that would raise him to know God? Did she know God? Was she scared? The questions keep coming over and over and I can't stop them. I don't know if I want to stop them. My heart aches for the woman that gave me the most precious gift we could have ever been given. We don't know anything about her or her circumstances. Which makes the questions even harder since we don't and will most likely never have answers. You see most people focus on the adoptive family, their joy, their happiness. Very rarely does anyone outside the adoption stop to think about the mother that gave the child life. My heart hurts that we don't know these answers and someday Daniel will ask about her. When he does what will we say? These questions are the questions I am struggling with now as we are home and have found our new normal. Every morning I get to wake up and see those precious brown eyes, white smile and chocolate face smiling back at me from his crib. We get to hear those sweet sounding Hi mama or Hi daddy. We get to receive those tender kisses. We get to wipe away the tears and wrap our arms around him in love. We get to tell him every day "I love you my son". Does she think about the things that she will miss? The biggest question on my heart right now is will we see her again someday? Did she know the Lord and did she invite Him into her heart? The questions just keep coming.

People still say "He doesn't know how lucky he is". To me he is not the lucky one. We are because his mommy loved him so much that she gave him to us. We are the lucky ones because we get to call him our son, we are the lucky ones because we get to love him! I thank God everyday for this joy in our lives. I thank God everyday for the woman who gave Daniel life. I thank God that I get to look into this face whenever I want:

“His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave Him great pleasure”
-Ephesians 1:5

1 comment:

Josh, Candace and Cole said...

This was such a beautiful post. Adoption is an incredible gift, but it wasn't without a huge sacrifice. Thanks for the reminder.