Where My Heart Is

Confessions, Prayer and Friends

Tonight I had the opportunity to do something that was absolutely amazing. The volunteers for CRASH (our middle school program at church) got together for a Prayer Meeting. I was really unsure as to what would take place and a little anxious going in. Coming out of it I can tell you I am totally 100% at peace knowing that God is in control of my life, work, children and family and I don't have to stress about it or worry over it. How did I get there you might ask? Well the meeting was held in sections, read scriptures together or whoever felt like reading read it out loud, sing a worship song or two (lead by one of our praise singers who is absolutely wonderful) pray for a minute thanking God for who he is, pray thanking him for the blessings in our lives, pray confessioning our sins, read some more scriptures, listen and sing more songs, pray about a need you have, prayer for your family and their needs, more scriptures, more songs, pray for the students of CRASH, pray for their families, more scriptures, more songs, etc. The night was two hours of us and God. Somewhere in that prayer time I felt this calm come over me like the song I have been listening to, I felt his arms around me telling me that we would be ok. Our baby will be here when he is ready, our baby is in good hands and is one of his children. God is there loving our baby when we can't be. It is amazing how this happens.

My prayer tonight is for all those waiting and those with heavy hearts or burdened hearts that you can feel the peace and calm that only God can provide. We are in his hands and we will be ok.

I thank you Lord for the amazing gifts of grace, mercy and love that you have shown me throughout this process. As the song says, "I can't do this alone, Lord I need you to hold on to me". When we become still Lord it is amazing that feeling of your arms around us. I thank you for the friends and people that you have put in our lives to help us through this tiime of waiting even if they don't realize that is what they are doing. I love you Lord, I love you Lord, I love you. that is all I can say right now. Thanks for loving me when I don't deserve it. Thanks for protecting me and guiding me through the hurt and the pain. I can't do this along and I am so thankful that I don't have to. It is in your name I pray. Amen

More Delay's

I received an email from Nicole at AWAA today. Due to the increase in abandonment cases in Addis Ababa the last few months, MOW@ and the ET government are not processing any abandonment adoptions. They are investigating extensively the abandonment cases to ensure that there is no corruption going on. While on one hand this is a good thing on the other it is going to delay or slow down the process with our agency. AWAA is not going to process any referrals that are abandoned children until they have more information on the investigations and process. This only comes to around 25% of their referrals but that is still a pretty big chunk and will slow down the referral process some and increase wait times. I know that this is all in God's plan and we will see our son and hold him when God is ready. May 26th will be 8 months waiting. Currently I am preparing myself to not pick up or hold my child until after court closures in October. As hard as this is for me to do, it is easier than getting my hopes up to pass court before closures and then dealing with the crash of that wasn't in God's plan. I am grateful that the Ethiopian government is taking such great strides in making this a process that is binding, no corruption so there is no question in the future. For them to do that we will need to be patient and hold on to hope that one day we will get our boy.

Please pray with us that the government will quickly complete their investigation and processing their paperwork so the referrals can start flowing again like rain.

Tonight as I finish this post to update the 2 people that read this I am playing these two songs in my head (I have been listening to them non stop for awhile but they are heavy on my heart especially right now):

Savior, Please
by: Josh Wilson

Savior please take my hand // I work so hard, I live so fast//This life begins, and then it ends//And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last//
I try to be so tough//But I'm just not strong enough//I can't do this alone, God I need you to hold on to me//I try to be good enough// But I'm nothing without your love//Savior, please keep saving me//Savior please help me stand//I fall so hard, I fase so fast//Will You begin right where I end//And be the God of all I am because You're all I have//Hallelujah//Everything You are to me//is everything I'll ever need//And I am learning to believe//That I don't have to prove a thing//'Cause You're the one who's saving me

Hold Me Jesus
by: Big Daddy Weave
Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all//When the mountain looks so big//And my faith just seems so small//So hold me Jesus,//'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf//You have been King of my Glory//Won't you be my Prince of Peace //When I wake up in the night I feel the dark//It's so hot inside my soul//I swear there must be blisters on my heart//So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf//You have been King of my Glory//Won't you be my Prince of Peace//Surrender don't come natural to me//I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want//Than to take what you give that I need//And I've beat my head against so many walls//I'm falling down, falling on my knees//God please//
And the Salvation Army band is playing this hymn//And your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin//So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf//You have been King of my Glory//Won't you be my Prince of Peace

As I listen to these songs I trust in God to provide, I trust in him to keep our baby boy safe and I trust in him to give us peace during this time of waiting. I also ask that you pray for all the families that are waiting with us.

"Lord, give us the strength that only you can give during this already difficult time of waiting that just got a whole lot harder. I know Lord that you know when the end of this will come, there is a reason behind all this that only you know. I pray that you are with the family of our little boy as they make the difficult decisions they will have to make and give them peace that he will be loved and will be raised to know you. I pray for all the families that are in this boat with us, Lord give them the same peace and comfort knowing it is all in your hands. We love you and we thank you for this journey we are on to glorify you. In your name I pray. Amen"

Court, Referrals & Mother's Day

We were so excited three weeks ago when the referrals came rolling in on a Friday. We were bumped up to number 7ish (give or take a few mystery families). Since then there has only been 1 referral that we know of. That is the nature of the waiting game, you have the highs and the lows. Since we passed the 7 month waiting mark it seems to get harder and harder to wait patiently. Sunday is Mother's Day and as much as I love my mother's and grandmothers it is not going to be an easy day. Last year on Mother's Day we were so hopeful we would have a little boy by now. It was just not in God's plan for that to happen this year. Now I am not giving up hope there are still a few hours left today that referrals could come in but I highly doubt one will be ours. To make Sunday even harder it is Baby Dedication at church. The last few years since we have been trying I try to avoid Baby Dedication Sunday, it is to hard on my heart since I so badly want to be a mother up there dedicating my baby. I know that one day we will dedicate our son in front of the whole congregation and we will be happier than ever. But this year will not be that year. I know this post is kind of down and not very hopeful but hey everyone has their moments and this weekend seems to be mine. I know God has picked out the perfect child that we will one day soon see and I will continue to have faith and pray to the One who is in control until that day comes. Right now I am going to pray to make it through this weekend and not be an emotional wreck (very doubtful).

Also there are a lot of families that will be going to court the rest of this month. Please pray that their court dates will go smoothly and they can bring their children home to their forever families!