Waiting is the hardest part

It has been a long week!  It seems like life is on hold and we are waiting for everything including the weather to change.  We got news last week that the wait times (for a referral) are increasing again.  Wait times are now 36-42 months.  Our wait is at the 28 month mark right now.  We were hopeful to receive a referral by the summertime but as I know all to well, my timing is not always Gods timing and in adoption the timing always changes.  I knew the increase was coming since there haven't been many referrals it seems for awhile and I have been here before, but this wait increase was harder to digest.  It feels like we have been waiting forever.  Daniel is getting older, we just celebrated his 5 year birthday last month (blog post update will come soon), he is starting T-ball and we register for kindergarten this month and all he wants is his brother.  He talks about him all the time.  It's so hard to wait, even though life is full of waiting.  I have spent some time with God this week begging him to help me be ok with the wait (or just bring our son home but one thing at a time).

I thought I would share what he has taught me in hopes that it might help someone else in the midst of their wait.  Just this morning I read this in my devotion:

Know, sisters, He will wait with you if you ask. He will sustain your faith. He will assure you that He is in control. He has a plan and it’s not ours to figure out. He will turn your restlessness into rest. Rest in Him.

All you have to do is ask, he will wait with you, give you peace and help you rest.  Just ask!  Simple yet asking him to help me wait is never the first thing that comes to my mind.

He also revealed in one day the following scriptures:

Being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience - Colossians 1:11

Finding my strength in him.  He has this under control.  He knows the plan but yet my first reaction is complete devistation and my first thought is "this wait is never going to end".  Instead of "God you got this, give me strength to continue this wait"

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth - Psalm 121:2 

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see - Hebrews 11:1

When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, look for His light and have faith in God.  He can see what we can't.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God: trust in Me - John 14:1

My heart has been breaking at the though of at least another year without knowing who our son is, without getting to see that face and hold that hand.  I am trusting in God - while I am not able to hold my son I know he has him in his hands. More importantly my trust in Him gives peace to my heart because he is holding me too.

Search me God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me. And lead me in the way everlasting - Psalm 139: 23-24 

I laughed out loud when I read this scripture.  Not because it is funny but anyone who knows me knows I can be about as anxious as they come!  At the moment I read this anxiety was taking over and I felt out of control.

Music is a big outlet for me, God speaks through songs on the radio, in my ipod, etc. all the time.  When I need to feel closer I love to get in my car, turn up the radio and worship him like know one is watching. I was listening to Mandisa on my way to work one day and her song "Press On" came on.  I was struggling that morning with the wait and why is it so hard when all we want to do is grow our family. Deep in a me me me mood.  Well the lyrics go something like this:

When I'm alone, when I'm afraidWhen I have had all I can takeLosin my grip, I start to slip away

When I can hear the voice of doubtInside my head screamin loudStrengthen my faith and help me say today, today

I will follow, I will press onEven when the walk feels longYour hands hold me togetherYour love is with me foreverThrough the broken, through the victoryI will praise you through it allAnd run hard til the race doneI'm gonna press on, press on! 

How many storm have I been through?How many lead me right to You?Using the pain, the hardest days for my good, my goodSo, what do I fear, God you are with meGuiding my steps todayThrough the mountains, valleys, sun and rainLord, lead the way - lead the way! 

I will follow, I will press onEven when the walk feels longYour hands hold me togetherYour love is with me foreverThrough the broken, through the victoryI will praise you through it allAnd run hard til the race doneI'm gonna press on, press on! 

One step in front of the other, No lookin back, no looking back! One step in front of the other, I'm gonna press on, press on! 

So I am pressing on following God and his plan.  One step in front of the other until the wait is done (which in adoption one phase of waiting means another one is starting).  I am so grateful for God's love, guidance and most importantly patience as it takes me awhile sometimes to remember He's in control!

28 months waiting - 8-14 more to go!